Being free of blame also makes it easier to apologize. Although we do not have ultimate responsibility for the way we behave we can certainly have a wide range of feelings about it. When we are pleased with our behavior, it’s natural to feel proud. But we should never lose sight of the fact that what ultimately made our desirable actions possible was not our innate superiority, but a combination of unchosen circumstances.
Similarly, when we act towards another person in a way that we wish we hadn’t, it is completely reasonable to acknowledge having been the proximate cause and to apologize i.e.: “Yes I did that, and I’m sorry.” When we are displeased with how we have behaved to another, wanting to acknowledge that we too are unhappy about it is a healthy response. But not being pleased, being disappointed, or even deeply upset with the way we behave is not the same as blaming ourselves. We must always remember that we are only the proximate cause of our behavior — with the determinants being as they are, we behave in the only way we can.
Crucially, however, this fact does not consign us to behaving similarly in the future. Every time we act, the effect of our actions and the way it makes us feel provide new determinants, making it possible for us to change and grow. To a Naturalistic Humanist, an apology should mean “I’m also not happy about my behavior and it’s not something I intend to repeat.” If, despite your best efforts you repeat the offending behavior anyway then it is important to examine what motivated your behavior, possibly with the help of a peer, or a professional. Such explorations provide new determinants which can help shape how we behave in the future.
A Naturalistic Humanist can sincerely apologize, they can express their intention to not reoffend, and they can commit to pursuing a more effective understanding of the issue, all without having to feel that they are ultimately to blame, and without ever having to feel diminished.