Another scientific tool involves narrowing the focus of what is being considered, so that it can be examined in a manageable way. In science if we attempt to measure or understand something without having sufficiently isolated it from other influencing factors, often called “confounding variables,” our ability to draw accurate conclusions suffers.
Staying on point, actually a term from the legal profession, is the Naturalistic Support practice of limiting the way we think and communicate about an issue in order keep it incident specific. This means that we focus on only the current incident at hand and do not conflate it with earlier iterations, or additional issues. Like other Naturalistic Support techniques, we can apply staying on point to how we think about ourselves, and how we communicate with others. For example, let us imagine that you have a chronic problem with lateness and you are currently running late to an appointment. Staying on point requires that you refrain from admonishing yourself about how you were also late on three other occasions.
If you want to think about your behavior so that you will be on time in the future, complaining to yourself about previous incidents is unproductive.
While you are racing to your destination and feeling anxious, it is not the optimal time to engage in an internal dialogue about your frustration with yourself. In the heat of the moment it is much more productive to focus on arriving safely, and at a suitable moment, notifying someone that you’re running late. Beyond that, in the moment it can be helpful to remember to breathe deeply, and assure yourself that at an appropriate time, you will examine this issue. One technique that might help involves a fully functioning, open eyed, meditative state where you imagine how your panicked rushing might appear if you were a drone hovering over yourself. This picture might provide some comic relief. Imagining a bird’s eye view can put things into perspective, since in the larger scheme of things, all of the powerful emotions you are feeling, are much smaller then they seem.
When you’re no longer pre-occupied with getting yourself somewhere, and have time to reflect on the issue, staying on point continues to be important. In addition to not attacking yourself with a list of latenesses, it is also necessary to not pile on other behaviors that you are unhappy with. Besides having been late, you might be frustrated with not having handled a communication with a coworker as well as you would have wanted. That same week, you may also have neglected taking care of some paperwork that was due. And let’s include that you didn’t get in all of exercise that you had promised yourself. If you really want to think about your lateness productively, you will steer clear of a litany of transgressions, and just think about the one isolated incident.
Relating to staying on point is the importance of avoiding sweeping generalizations. If you find yourself thinking “I always get nervous at parties”, or “I never stand up for myself” or “Darn it, I’m always late! You are not thinking about the problem effectively.
Numerous reasons can account for chronic lateness, it is an extremely complex problem with a variety of possible underlying issues. These can include attention deficit disorder, anxiety, ambivalence, perfectionism, thrill-seeking, unrealistic planning, rebellion issues, anger, and adrenaline addiction in which someone habitually puts themselves in high-pressure, high-risk situations. In many cases working on a complicated issue like chronic lateness requires a multi-pronged strategy, possibly including the help of a licensed professional. A Naturalistic Support approach can help to not allow the lateness issue result in several other problems such as low self-esteem, depression, and defensiveness.
To approach an issue like chronic lateness effectively we should refrain from scolding ourselves or others. Doing so usually elicits a defensive response “Look it was only ten minutes, and I’ve waited for you several times.” Reprimanding or attacking ourselves or others can also result in a dismissive or even passive aggressive response like “Okay, I’m sorry – I won’t do it again, now can we please move on!?” Neither response is conducive to the clear-headed openness and focus required to address such issues effectively.