Individuals who belong to marginalized groups are likely experience exclusionary behaviors that are referred to by some as micro-aggressions, although the term may be falling out of favor[1]. These exclusionary behaviors include a wide range of comments and behaviors that can make members of marginalized groups feel devalued, excluded, condescended to, patronized, and subtlety, and sometimes not so subtlety, discriminated against. Exclusionary comments and behaviors can be made unintentionally, and they can reveal deeply held bias and discriminatory attitudes which may or may not conscious.
Examples include: a white person telling a black coworker “I don’t even think of you as black” and meaning that to be taken a complement; or at a business meeting female staff repeatedly having their comments interrupted or ignored by their male coworkers; or a person who was born in America but of Pakistani decent being complemented by a supervisor for their excellent English; or a white woman in an elevator tightening her grip on her handbag as a young black man enters; or a male student being teased “That shirt is so gay”
As our communities grow more and more diverse, overt discrimination has become increasingly unacceptable. At the same time these more attenuated, or veiled communications of bias are becoming the primary way discriminatory attitudes are expressed.
Although people who are not members of a marginalized group find it hard to accept, the impact of continuous subtle discrimination is cumulatively devastating. It has been referred to as “death by a thousand cuts”. It undermines self-esteem, a sense of safety, belonging, and being valued.
There are many steps that can take place on an institutional level toward developing a culture free of the oppressive baggage of exclusionary behaviors and comments including sensitivity training in educational institutions, at the workplace and at corporate retreats, and at community events. Greater awareness can also be supported through online training, books, movies, and other cultural forms. While all of these ways of addressing exclusionary behavior become increasingly available, there remains countless situations where microaggressions will not be addressed unless the people directly impacted do so themselves.
When exclusionary comments or behaviors are made, they present the person receiving them with a dilemma. There are essentially three ways to respond and all are burdensome. One option is to not react at all. But this is a considerable burden, and its weight can only grow as the impact of exclusionary comments and behaviors accumulate. While not reacting may have been the default response in the past, today more and more people find themselves in situations in which not reacting feels unacceptable.
A second option involves reacting but in a manner that does little to improve the situation, or even makes the situation worse. Addressing a microaggression when it occurs can be a daunting proposition and just being the target of discrimination does not make one an expert on diversity training. Often, people who encounter micro-aggressive behaviors might become angry, frustrated, and tired of having to explain yet again why – for example – someone declaring “Let’s get the Latina perspective on this question!” before soliciting a Puerto Rican woman’s opinion is unacceptable, or why asking a black woman if you can touch her hair is problematic[2].
Because of this, when exclusionary behaviors are addressed between individuals the communication is likely to be fraught, and there are numerous ways to react that could make an awkward situation more uncomfortable for everyone. A reaction that is angry or accusatory for example, could cause the person reacting to appear as having anger issues, being argumentative, overly sensitive, or difficult to get along with. At best, such a reaction might have a short term effect of intimidating the person who made the microaggression to refrain from doing so again in the immediate future, but intimidating someone who you encounter regularly is likely to engender resentment and a desire for retaliation.
Another ineffective way of reacting involves elevating one’s standing by deriding another. This type of reaction frequently occurs in online communities. Sometimes a person being “called out” for their comments or behavior will get piled on by allies signaling their virtue by joining in the attack and expressing outrage.
Aside from not reacting at all, or in a way that is minimally effective, a third way to respond to exclusionary behavior is to meet the person where they are and work with them. This response requires generosity, kindness, and psychological sophistication. It is a lot to ask of anyone, let alone someone carrying the weight of a lifetime of experiencing marginalizing behaviors.
For those who are willing to try, however, Naturalistic Humanism offers ways to think about the problem and communication techniques which can help support a desirable outcome.
[1] See article We Need to Retire the Term “Microaggressions” at https://hbr.org/2022/03/we-need-to-retire-the-term-microaggressions In this section the terms microaggression and exclusionary behaviors will be used interchangeably.
[2] See article – Keep Your Hands to Yourself: Don’t Touch Our Hair! https://www.tulsakids.com/keep-your-hands-to-yourself-dont-touch-our-hair/